Christina

I started this blog mainly for the simple reason of keeping a journal. I feel like sometime life hits us so hard with obstacles that we tend to overlook the daily blessings that God gives us to sustain us through our trials. Journaling is my way of recognizing the beauty of each trial placed before me, because of what it does to my relationship with God, my father. He is always there for me and always makes everything so beautiful, even when I continuously get in His way. 

The struggle to have a child and create a family that follows after the heart of God has actually not been my biggest obstacle this year. I started a girls home for recovering addicts just so that I could help these girls see the beauty of restoration in their own lives. I am a prime example of doing everything all wrong. The "chief of sinners" as my pastor always says. But my life is also a prime example of what God can do with us when we step out of the way, surrender to Him and trust in His plan for us. 

That example is what I try so hard to show my girls. The most difficult task in my life at this point is that. Trying to conceive a child has been heartbreaking and scary and frustrating and confusing, and so many other emotions....but trying to show young women who are so sick, so wrapped up in their addictions and pain, that there is a better way, is almost impossible. Almost...

The first day we open our women's home, The Titus House, we had so many hopes and expectations for our new ministry. We just knew that our home would be blessed in such a way that would show the world who God is, how He can change lives. Restore broken hearts to new again, heal the sick, bring love back into the hearts of these deprived young women. 

We poured our hearts into that home working day and night for weeks to get it ready for these girls. We tried so hard to make this house a home, not just another "halfway" house. Because in our minds, nothing was going to be done halfway in this home. 

We had 14 freshly made beds ready for occupancy. We were ready to change lives! There was no doubt that within the first month, we would have all 14 beds occupied and I would be pouring my heart into these girls who would clearly hang on my every word and do exactly as I instructed to find peace and healing in their lives!

Ya right! Day one we got one girl. A beautiful girl named Christina. She was excited and grateful and so bubbly and full of life! We loved her from the moment we met her. 

Day 2 Amanda. Everything Christina was not. Sad, scared, no family, bitter, angry.... very angry, and extremely self destructive. 

We went 3 months with 2 girls and one or two who floated in and out not really trying to recover, just needed a minute to regroup before their next run. 

O.k. so not exactly what we expected but we can work with 2 girls. Our financial plan went out the window but God can provide and 2 girls is better than none, I thought. 

Christina had a strong family support. Her mother was extremely involved and her father was her rock. We encouraged her to follow the plan of her parents and listen to them before anyone else, even us, in order to restore her broken relationship with them first and foremost. And she did. She was a very compliant girl who respected authority and really gave us no trouble at all. In fact, she was so good that I started to think she must be really sneaky and know exactly what to do and say to keep herself under the radar. That theory proved wrong later on.

So our focus was on Amanda. And what a roller coaster Amanda took us on. She didn't just have addiction issues she had an eating disorder, cutting disorder, mood disorder and of course, daddy disorder. This girl needed so much love but had no idea how to receive it . She fought every good thing I tried to do for her and every good word I tried to speak into her life. My house manager at the time had no tolerance for her and actually became extremely hard on her and on Christina. 

These girls needed nothing more than someone to show them that no matter how far they fall, they can always find a way to get back up yet inside my home, when I was not there, they were being told that they would never recover and never get better. My house, my ministry,  became destructive for them simply because I had a manager who although spoke about god constantly, actually knew nothing about Him or His character, not my God anyway. 

3 months after we opened Titus we got just one more woman. The decision had to be made at that point weather to close down this beautiful home that we had so much hope and dreams for, or to make some changes and start over. It was clear that God was not allowing our house to grow but I could not figure out why. My heart and soul went into this house and the girls in it. I knew that there must be another reason why and God revealed it to me when He allowed my manager to just leave one day with the simple explanation of "I am leaving and taking all the girls with me" in a text message. 

Long story short, Amanda left with her. It broke my heart. But out of the clear blue sky after being so wrapped up with the drama and the ups and downs of Amanda's life, Christina, my girl who flew under the radar all this time, calls me in a panic from work.

Christina wanted to speak to me so desperately to tell me that she loves and trust Ryan and I so much that she would never just leave the house based on someone else's decision to leave. She went into the details of the past few months and how she had watched Ryan and I run the house and really respected what we had been trying to accomplish. She knew it was difficult, especially with so little clients, but she wanted to make sure I knew she was sticking by my side no matter what.

Here is the crazy part of this. There are so many other details involved but the bottom line is, I was trying so hard to help this sick girl, doing and doing and doing, and getting no response, no respect and no results and I had this other girl (who I really didn't pour into that much because she already had very wise parents directing her), watching the whole thing and seeing my heart behind all my efforts. How is it that the girl I was trying to help could not see it but her roomate, who I was not even directly dealing with, could!? What a gem! Christina was like a true diamond in the rough. 

God played this all out so beautifully because my relationship with Christina from that moment on became one of trust, mutual respect and love. All along it was Christina that God was working through while I tried so hard in my own efforts to get Amanda to see Gods glory. God was working on the heart of whom He chose to work on. 

How much more beautiful is that when you wake up one day and think God why aren't you helping me with this ministry and all along HE WAS. I just wasn't listening or seeing it. My heart was so determined to "fix" Amanda but God had other plans...Christina...

So here she was, my new manager. Supportive, trusting and willing. She was always so willing. Right after we made Christina manager on January 1, we filled up with 9 girls within that same month. God knew what He was doing all along. 

Christina has been with me since day one of my ministry. We have had so many crazy days, so many unbelievable things happen that just don't happen in real life, but they happened to us. She has stuck by my side every inch of the way and gone above and beyond my expectations of a manager for this home. 

There are times when her and I will talk and we will try to name all the girls that we have had come in and out of the house this past year. There is about 20, maybe more....but none like Christina, sadly. She is the exception to all the rules. 

Recovery is a funny thing. No matter how hard these girls want it, they just simply refuse to submit to it. They think they can conquer it their way. They think they can create their own recovery plan, or just be sober but not change their behaviors. Its heartbreaking to watch a woman with so much potential, destroy herself over and over and over again. But the bottom line is, these girls, they don't have love. Somewhere along the path of their life, their perception of love was skewed. Somewhere along the path, they changed their thinking and turned to drugs or alcohol to replace that pain that pierced them so deeply that they could no longer stand to live with it. 

I know because I was that same girl. No I did not turn to drugs or alcohol, but I had my addictions. I had my destructive behaviors that I used to cover my shame, my pain and my sadness. The bottom line is that we all have those feelings of fear and loneliness, we are all broken, drugs and alcohol is just a side effect of the real problems. And for most of us the real problem is love, or lack thereof. How can we ever turn our back on these girls who just cry out for love. They do it in the most destructive way but all they really want is to be loved. And at this point, God is the only one who can fill that void. 

And nobody wants to hear about my God. This past year and a half, I have often said to Ryan we are not making a difference. Titus hasn't changed lives, our dreams didn't come true, these girls just don't listen, they don't want to hear what i have to say. Titus is a failure.

 But then, I think of Chrissy. She is the one, the only one who has been the reason Titus has NOT been a failure. And isn't one life being changed just as important as 14 or 25 or 50? Of course it is. Our ministry has changed the life of one girl and for that I am so truly blessed. 

Christina is now leaving us. She is moving onto to continue her education and start her life again. She has been restored and it is so bittersweet. I don't know what I will do next. I don't know if I have the heart to continue without her but what I do know is that when I see her transformation, I know that it is only through the Grace of God and His hand upon her life that she has truly made this change. 

With God's help, Christina finally decided for herself it was time to make a change. But the foundation was laid for her when she was just a little girl. The love and comfort she received from her mother and the confidence and strength she learned from having a daddy who has always been her rock. These things are irreplaceable in a young girls life. These things are things that had we all had, we may not have led the destructive lives  we had to lead. Christina's parents gave her something that was originally intended by God for us all to have and that was the nurturing of a mother and the strong loving hand of a father. 

My husband being raised much like Christina, comes from a family that also is not perfect, but not broken either. All of his remarkable qualities come from his foundation of family,  and as a man, his fathers heavy hand. Not since Ryan had I seen someone like Christina with such solid morals and such confidence in her abilities as a young women. She had the security always having her dad to turn to and the loving arms of her mother to always cry with her and feel the pain with her when she is down. 

Gods plan for family was to show the world who He is, to explain to all of us what unconditional love looks like. The purpose of parents to a child is to be the example to our Father in Heaven to us. The same truth and love, grace and mercy that Gods expresses to us, our mother and father also do. The purpose of siblings is to learn to take the grace and mercy that our parents teach us and try it out on them. Once we begin to show that to our family, we then take it out into the world and show it to others. 

Christina has done that, she has been so graceful and so merciful with even those girls who didn't respect her or her position. And I applaud her for that. God placed this broken girl in Titus but also knew the foundation in which she was raised and knew it would rise above all the other lives in that house, not in a way to look down upon them, but in a way that would help build them up higher. My Titus girls don't know the Lord just yet, and most of them, don't know the special bond of family,  but Christina has been the example of Gods grace that God would want us to be to others, and the only family that these girls may ever know, and honestly, what more could I have ever imagined for my ministry. 

I don't know how much Christina has learned from me, but I have learned so much from her. If I ever get the chance to have a little girl, I can only hope that she would be as beautifully spirited as this young women. She is tenacious, strong willed, intelligent, diligent, responsible, funny, clumsy, awkward and beautiful all at the same time. I will miss her more than I can express but I am so honored to have shared this past year with her. She was my grace from God. Gods mercy on my ministry this year was Christina. She was the gift that He placed right before me that I didn't see for 3 months. Christina is my blessing and her story is the worlds blessing. Her life as it is today is one of honor and dignity. She isn't just drug free or alcohol free, she is free. God has given her back her wings and I am so eager to watch her soar . 

Not my will but Yours Lord...

So here it is December 4th 2013. It was February when we lost our pregnancy. I am still not pregnant. This phase of my journey with Christ has brought more pain and disappointment then I would have wanted to experience. Why? Because I had a plan. I had a plan to have a baby before I turned 38. When that didn't happen, my plan was to celebrate our first wedding anniversary with a pregnancy. After July 14th came and went, I planned to be pregnant for my trip to see my oldest son in Virginia, to announce it to him right before he travels overseas. When we went to Virginia, there was no announcement, there was no pregnancy.But it was o.k because I was sure it would happen for the holiday. My plan would be to announce our pregnancy at the dinner table Thanksgiving day, surprising my in-laws, my mother, with a new grandchild, the first for my in-laws.

Every month has brought more and more obstacles and more and more altering of my plans. What is going on here. I am Miss, Make things happen. Why can't I make this happen. Excuse me God, can't you see I have a plan! Work with me !

After 6 more months of trying to have a child after the miscarriage, I scheduled an appointment with my OBGYN. I explained to him that with my blood mutation and my lack of time (remember I am on a schedule!) I needed to see a specialist. Oh and a very aggressive would be great, thank you.

A week later there I was being told by the specialist that he would get me pregnant. Duh! That's the plan! For the next 4 weeks I went through the entire work up of the initial diagnostic testing. It was exhausting. And invasive. Every week there was a new stranger looking at my insides, poking and protting and sticking. It was awful. And I did it all with a great big smile on my face. Because this just a stepping stone in my plan, a bridge to cross to get the prize at the end and I was happy to do it.

Ryan....not so much. There may have been a point where he muttered something along the lines of "Did we pray about this before deciding to send me to a bathroom in a doctors office with a cup" And not for a urine sample either, I might add. "Baby this is just a formality. Do what you need to do, be proactive!" I told him as I shoved him through the bathroom door.

Fast forward to result day. Long story short as we sat in front of our doctor hearing that between the two of us it was highly, and he emphasized the word highly, like he suddenly became Jewish, "hhhhighly" unlikely that we would get pregnant naturally. In fact, here is his plan.

We start clomid asap. We monitor my follicles, stimulate ovulation with an HCG hormone trigger shot, intrauterally inseminate me (IUI) and wait two weeks to find out it if it works. Oh and the chances are about 20% that I will actually conceive. If that doesn't work after 4 tries, we move to a more aggressive plan of In Vitro fertilization, (IVF). Sounds good to me when can we get started?

Now don't get me wrong. The past 9 months Ryan and I have been in heavy prayer. We have fallen to our knees and begged God to speak to us about this issue. We have begged him month after month to have mercy on us and give us a child. We know that He is the ultimate decision maker. However, because I have felt so responsible, because it was my body that didn't hold the baby, I have felt it was me who had to fix things. I just knew I was the one who had to make this happen.

In November we started the entire process. The doctors were actually extremely encouraging regarding our chances. My body responded extremely well to the medications and I produced 3 large follicles, giving me 3 chances of conceiving! My estrogen level the day of the IUI was 1040. The doctors like to see a level of 200-300 per follicle. That means each one of my 3 follicles had strong viable eggs! My progesterone 7 days after the procedure was 49! It only needed to be 10 to confirm ovulation. Everything was "more than perfect" the doctor said.

Our 2 week waiting period fell right at the last 2 weeks of the month. Our HCG beta test to determine pregnancy was scheduled for November 27th. The two week wait was the easiest part. It was the day we were to get the results that was so overwhelming. We scheduled our test for early morning so we would be sure to get the call with the results that same day. We went about our business just knowing that God was about to bless us with a pregnancy.

Ryan went to get a haircut and I went to do my Thanksgiving grocery shopping right next door. And that's when I got the call. "I'm sorry you are not pregnant." ......no, I'm sorry.....WHAAAT!

But everything worked so perfectly, it was so....PERFECT! More than perfect ! And yet she wasn't wrong. There was no mix-up with the tests. There was no mistake from the lab. We simply were not pregnant...again.

I left the groceries in the cart and ran out of the store before the tears could fall from my eyes. I waited for Ryan outside and when I saw him, saw his face, I let it all go. The tears and the questions. This was just truly exhausting. As my husband sat there on the bench outside Publix shopping center, holding me and praying over me, over the situation, I started to realize I was really NOT in control. I wasn't even riding shotgun. I didn't just realize it, I welcomed it.

I was tired. I was so hormonal that my husbands new nickname for me was Sybil. I had tried everything. I spent month after month with doctor google creating the perfect supplement plan for my MTHFR gene mutation. I was taking my baby aspirin for a good 6 months now just to make sure there was no evidence of clotting for when I did get pregnant. I made a mean Maca powder shake to boost our fertility. I introduced zinc and fish oil into my husbands diet to ensure his motility was strong, I charted my days, Everything was perfectly prepared. Where did I GO WRONG!

Where did I go wrong?! Where do I start? I start all the way back to the beginning. To the day when I gave my life over to Christ. The day I accepted HIM as not just my Savior but Lord....over my life.

Thanksgiving day was a blur. I was tired (have I mentioned I was tired?). I spent the whole day thinking about God and thinking about my plan. My plan. I can't even go as far as saying it was Ryan and I's plan. Sure my husband wants a child more than anything. But he was just a passenger along for the ride. He showed up at the appointments he needed to show up at. He paid attention, listened to the doctors. He took all the new vitamins and shakes I laid in front of him. He did it all, without letting it consume him, even the IUI procedure. But not me, I had absolutely let this consume me. It became my mission to make this happen. My husband just became a crucial player. And God? At some point along the way, I must have said to Him "You go relax for a while, I got this", although I can't even remember at what point that was.

Funny how you want something so badly, something that lines up with Gods Word. Something that you know He wants to give you. So you take it upon yourself to decide how and when you are going to get it. Because honestly, having a family is a blessing from God so why would it be wrong to actively seek to achieve something that is a blessing from God?

Its not wrong. But what is wrong is to ask God to sit this one out. Truthfully, I didn't even realize I had done that. But here I was wracking my brain trying to figure out why this thing that we wanted so badly was not happening in my timing when I heard God say to me, Have you asked Me about My timing?

Ummmmm.....I prayed to You God. I prayed all the way through this whole process! I held onto scripture that pertained to our situation. I listened to doctors, followed their protocol, kept all my appointments. I even listened to testimonies about other believers and how You blessed them with their children.

But did you ever stop to listen to Me, He said. And that's when it hit me. No. I hadn't.

I was so busy planning, doing, researching, scheduling, charting, talking, crying, whining! I never stopped to actually listen. I couldn't remember the last time I had just found a quiet place to go and listen for Gods voice. Listen for His direction. Listen to His plan. And in all of this chaos and madness that I created, all He wanted was me. He waited so patiently. He never gave up. And when God knew I was finally done, He spoke. I was so tired of doing, that I had nowhere else to turn but to my Father. And He was there.

He had always been there. Just like He had always been there when I was a little girl, scared and afraid praying to a God that no one had ever taught me about but I knew existed. He was there every single time in my life that I grew tired and had nowhere else to turn but to Him. God has never let me down. Even before I knew He was there, He was there.

How beautiful a thing to have a Father like Him. One who loves us so much that He allows us to go, only so we can return, realizing that we need Him. Knowing what it's like to follow our own plan and then experiencing His plan in all its beauty. His plan is always beautiful. He is always beautiful. And He is always there.

I rejoice in my God and His plan. I rejoice because I know what I create when I try to do things my way. And I am so glad that God has put enough of a boundary in my life that He allows me to run in circles inside those boundaries until I grow tired, only to give in to Him and His will. I want to please Him and I want my life to reflect His Glory and He knows that. That is why He never gives up on me, because He knows the desires of my heart. He knows that when I finally come to my stubborn senses that I will always turn back to Him and say Lord I need You.

Could I still get pregnant with doctors and procedures and insemination, absolutely. Are the chances that I get pregnant without doctors and procedures still slim to none, yep they still are. Could it be Gods will that I do it that way, absolutely. Or could God still provide a miracle and give us a natural pregnancy with no doctors and no procedures? Yes! God can do whatever He chooses to do! he could give us a child, or maybe He won't. But the point is not that anymore.

The point is that I don't have to make anything happen. I am not the responsible party over my life anymore. God is. He wants to be. He wants to take this journey with me, not just be a spectator. He wants to lead us in our lives to a better way. His way brings comfort and security, love, so much love....and a much much better way.

His way does not disappoint. The disappointment I have been feeling, it was all because my plan had not been met. But God's, well that is still working, and I am anxiously awaiting His plan. I surrender, with faith, my will and accept my Fathers will in it's place.

If I have learned anything these past years as a Christian it's that my life as a believer does not have to have any expectations on it. Do I strive to be perfect like Jesus, yes always. But I have learned to embrace my mistakes with God because with each mistake I make, the reconciliation to Him is just so amazing. Its not about being perfect the first time, or the second or third. It's about recognizing that we are not perfect and that God rejoices with us in that because it draws us closer to Him and His perfect way. He loves that. He loves us, in all our flaws and craziness, He loves us anyway. And He sees us as we were intended to be, beautifully transformed, fearfully and wonderfully made, by our Creator, our Father who will never, ever leave us or forsake us.

Lord I just want to lift your name up to the highest of high places today. I am so grateful that you chose me to love when I am such a mess. But I rejoice with you today God because if I was not a mess, then I wouldn't need a Savior and Lord, I do need you. I need you and I love you Lord. I surrender all to you again, today. I am so sorry God for taking matters into my own hands and making plans without even waiting on You to speak. I no longer want to be in the lead, I want to step back and let You do what You do best. In the end, when all this is said and done, the glory God will all go to You. Because there is nothing I can add to this situation except acceptance and obedience. And I choose that every time. Because YOU do not disappoint, Jesus...

MTHFR Gene Mutation

So here I am a week after losing the one thing I so desperately wanted to give to my husband. I thought about giving up. I quickly thought about giving up. Are we suppose to adopt? Not have biological children? Should we quit while we are down....Are we going to be alone...

Why am I always trying to figure God out. As if I could ever...

Yet I do. And I never can. Maybe I like the challenge. Or maybe I hate not being in control...

So in my frantic, how do I fix this mode, I quickly decided I would not give up so easily.I remembered something the Ultrasound tech said to us right after delivering the news that she doesn't see a heartbeat. " You should really check to see if you have a thrombophilia disorder. I have seen it in alot of women lately and it can cause clotting in the umbilical chord which leads to miscarriage" . At the time I heard her but it was a blur. All I could focus on was the pregnancy bag I was given with all my pregnancy goodies, magazines, prenatals. Everything I would now not need. I remember answering her with a whisper "You can keep the bag" and my husband quickly escorted my tear streaked face right through the seats of the happily pregnant women scattered all around in the waiting room.

God help me.

I called the doctor and insisted that this was not just a "natural thing that sometimes happens" as we were told the week before. I asked if we could do a blood panel for thrombophelia. He told me this was extremely rare and unnecessary but I persisted.

A week later I was diagnosed with the MTHFR gene mutation. My mutation was listed as Compound Heterozygous.My Anti-Thrombin, Cardiolipin, Lupus, Plasminogen Activator Inhibitor, Factor V Leiden, and Protein C&S all came back normal.

My homocysteine level was within normal range but on the higher end.

I have one copy of the C677T gene mutation and one copy of the A1298C gene mutation. Compound Heterozygous inhibits your body’s ability to properly metabolize folic acid, and is an inherited clotting disorder . Compound means I have one copy of the mutations from each parent (funny neither one of them even hear of this mutation before, much less were aware they carried it).Sooo,  with all that being said...It took me about 6 months to get my diagnosis accurate and find the right combination of vitamins and baby aspirin. My biggest inspiration was Dr. Ben Lynch who actually studies this gene mutation for a living. Its what he specializes in and has a very clear understanding of what is needed for those of us with this genetic mutation. He is really great about responding to questions on his website as well as his facebook page! And he's from the Northwest so that's a serious bonus...(Go Ducks!)

I have vowed to stay far away from folic acid in the synthetic form as it has caused me severe brain fog, dizziness and lethargy. I have also vowed to steer clear of all food and medications containing any heavy metals or sulfates as my body cannot break them down properly.

I had to do the research and figure out what worked for me and my body as well as what worked with compound heterozygous. You will find that most doctors, unless MTHFR is their specialty, will not know the proper way to treat this genetic mutation. They will try to prescribe you folic acid and tell you recurrent miscarriages have nothing to do with your having the MTHFR mutation. I am not a doctor, but I disagree. And so do a lot of other woman out there who have suffered these losses only to find out that folic acid is highly lethal to their body and blood clotting , which can cause miscarriage, is highly likely in this genetic mutation.

For example,  My obgyn insisted that a low dose aspirin was not necessary yet my fertility specialist supported the low dose baby aspirin, especially with a history of miscarriages. Who's right?

Because of my personal research, as well as my study on Dr. Lynch's site,  I will be taking 81mg aspirin daily for the rest of my life as a preventative method.

 I have also requested and been prescribed a special prescription prenatal vitamin called Neevo DHA, (always good to take while preparing for pregnancy), one that none of my doctors had even heard of,  which is only one of very few prenatals that contain the metabalized form of folate (5MHTR). I am also taking Homocystex, which is a combination of  Vitamin B6 (from 41 mg pyridoxal 5'-phosphate) 25 mg, Folate (as Metafolin L-5-methyltetrahydrofolate) 800 mcg, Vitamin B12 (as methylcobalamin 1000 mcg.) which I purchased from seekinghealth.com because people like us with this genetic mutation, need 3-4 times the amount of folate that the average person needs.

I wrote about this issue for people who may be going through the same thing. If you are a woman who has had unexplained, recurrent miscarriages or find yourself with chronic fatigue, I would highly recommend a blood panel which includes this MTHFR mutation. 


More about MTHFR if your intersted....

MTHFR stands for the methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase gene (methyl-ene-tetra-hydro-folate-reductase).

The MTHFR gene is responsible for making a functional MTHFR enzyme. If the MTHFR gene is slightly altered (mutated), the MTHFR enzyme’s shape becomes distorted.

And this is just a straight copy and paste from stopthethyroidmadness.com which gives my favorite easy explanation of the mutation and how it affect us .

When it’s all working right, the MTHFR gene begins a multi-step chemical breakdown process, aka methylation, which in simplified terms, is like this:

The MTHFR gene produces the MTHFR enzyme.

The MTHFR enzyme works with the folate vitamins (B9, folic acid), breaking it down from 5,10-methylenetetrahydrofolate to 
5-methyltetrahydrofolate. 5-methyltetrahydrofolate helps convert the amino acid homocysteine down to another essential amino acid, methionine, which is used by your body to make proteins, utilize antioxidants, and to assist your liver to process fats. Methionine helps with depression and even inflammation. It also helps convert estradiol (E2) into estriol (E3)!
Methionine is converted in your liver into SAM-e 
(s-adenosylmethionine), which is anti-inflammatory, supports your immune system, helps produce then breakdown of your brain chemicals serotonin, dopamine and melatonin, and is involved in the growth, repair and maintenance of your cells. i.e. a proper methylation pathway like the above is going to mean you will have a better chance in eliminating toxins and heavy metals, which can reduce your risk for cancer and other health issues, and put less stress on your adrenals.
What a defective (mutated) MTHFR gene does to you
It produces a defective MTHFR enzyme of different varieties i.e. it functions less than optimally, such as performing at only 40% of its capacity, or 70% of its capacity. It can mean you won’t break down toxins or heavy metals well.

The defective enzyme doesn’t break down folate vitamins properly (of which folic acid is the precursor to), which can cause high homocysteine, which can increase your risk of coronary heart disease (arteriosclerotic vascular disease or venous thrombosis), and related heart and BP conditions, as well as increasing your risk for dementia.

Homocysteine is poorly converted to glutathione, which is your body’s chief antioxidant and detoxifier. You are then more susceptible to stress and toxin buildup.

Homocysteine is poorly converted to methionine, and less methionine can raise your risk of arteriosclerosis, fatty liver degenerative disease, anemia (see Wiki), increased inflammation, increased free radical damage… and produce less SAM-e. Less SAM-e can increase depression and more broadly, an MTHFR defect can increase your risk of a variety of cancers (including breast and prostate cancer), stroke, heart problems, congenital defects, depression, IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), miscarriages, migraines, chemical sensitivities and many conditions.

You can find yourself with high folate or high B12. i.e. your body will have problems converting inactive forms of folate and B12 to the active forms. So the inactive folate or B12 will simply build up in your serum, also inhibiting the active forms. Most serum folate tests are actually measuring folic acid, which needed to be converted to methylfolate to be used metabolically.

You may find yourself with high mercury, or high copper, or high other heavy metals….though not always. High copper can cause low iron levels. The journal Molecular Psychiatry states that “Schizophrenia-like syndromes, bipolar disorder, Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s disease and vascular dementia have all been associated with one or more mutations of the MTHFR gene”. (2006;11, 352–360)

If the MTHFR gene is malfunctioning, homocysteine can build up and cause problems, both in the cardiovascular system, but also with pregnancy. At this time, we’ll confine this discussion to the impact on pregnancy. 

Some MTHFR mutations are more serious than others as far as their ability to cause problems during pregnancy. Specifically, women who have multiple pregnancy losses are more likely to have a MTHFR gene mutation.

The association of MTHFR and recurrent pregnancy loss is under great debate. Some clinicians and researchers feel that the mutations can cause blood clots between the developing placenta and uterine wall, thus preventing transport of vital nutrition to the developing fetus. This usually occurs early in pregnancy when the embryo or fetus is most vulnerable.

I found an awesome website with a list of all things to avoid if you carry a MTHFR mutation.

Here is also a long list of medication that raise homocystine levels, lower folic acid, or could kill a person with MTHFR because their body can’t process Nitrous Oxide. All of the following either contain metals, sulfates, OR will lower the folic acid levels or raise the homocystine levels, all of which are detrimental to someone with MTHFR.

Medications to avoid:
Antacids, Protein Pump Inhibitors and Histamine BlockersMany antacids contain aluminum. With the MTHFR gene mutation we have trouble clearing metals so aluminum is not a good thing to put in our bodies.
We also have trouble maintaining adequate levels of B12 (methylcobalamin not to be mistaken with cyanocobalamin). Aluminum can inhibit the absorption of B12.
Protein Pump Inhibitors decrease B12 and Folate (not to be mistaken with folic).
Histamine Blockers reduce the absorption of Folate and B12.

Antidepressants/SSRI’s
Signs of a Folate and B12 deficiency are sometimes anxiety and depression. If you know that you have an MTHFR gene mutation and suffer with anxiety and depression, shouldn’t you try B12 (methylcobalimin) and Folate? Also BH4 is doing wonders for people who have the MTHFR gene mutation, anxiety and depression. TMG also helps with this. No one should ever stop taking their medication without first consulting a physician.

Pancreatic enzymes
Here is the deal with pancreatic enzymes. You can have low production of pancretic enzymes due to lack of nutrition and what pancreatic enzymes you have in your system can go into override and be depleted due to lack of nutrition. Pancreatic enzymes are needed for the methylation process. Medications and poor diet contribute to this. MTHFR and b deficiency is a clear marker of hypomethylation.

Statins Drugs: Lipid lowering drugs (cholesterol meds) Reduce glutathione levels. Many people with MTHFR already have compromised glutathione levels. Low glutathione levels can cause high homocysteine levels which in turn can lead to a clotting event.

Statins (or HMG-CoA reductase inhibitors) are a class of drugs used to lower cholesterol levels by inhibiting the enzyme HMG-CoA reductase, which plays a central role in the production of cholesterol in the liver. Some drug names: atorvastatin (Lipitor and Torvast), fluvastatin (Lescol), lovastatin (Mevacor, Altocor, Altoprev), pitavastatin (Livalo, Pitava), pravastatin (Pravachol, Selektine, Lipostat), rosuvastatin (Crestor) and simvastatin (Zocor, Lipex).

Phenobarbitol
Interferes with absorption of Folate

Vaccinations
People with the MTHFR deficiency sometimes have problems clearing metals. There are many toxic preservatives in vaccinations. Thimerasol and aluminum are found in many vaccinations. They can cause serious problems to someone with an MTHFR gene mutation. Thimerasol (mercury) and aluminum are known to deplete b vitamins. A person with MTHFR has trouble clearing metals. Mercury and aluminum absorb what b vitamins are in the body.

Amalgam Fillings
Amalgam fillings are made up of the toxic metal mercury. Someone with the MTHFR gene mutation who clearly cannot dump metals can have many problems with amalgam fillings. Anytime you chew food or put hot liquid into your mouth, a toxic mercury gas is let off in your mouth. Guess what is right above your mouth? YOUR BRAIN. Mercury depletes your B vitamins.

Fluoride
Fluoride has been linked to lowering glutathione. This is not the use of toothpastes with fluoride, this is using a fluoride supplements.

Acetaminophen
Acetaminophen and glutathione deficiency
Many people with MTHFR have lower than normal glutathione levels.
B12 (methylcobalamin) and NAC (N-acetylcysteine) help to elevate glutathione. NAC does have some side effects. People with leaky gut syndrome, asthma and pulmonary hypertension should not use NAC.
In my opinion acetaminophen should be avoided by people who have low glutathione and the MTHFR gene mutation. There are studies out that show acetaminophen lowers your glutathione by 84%.

Diuretics
Diuretics have been linked to causing Thiamine (B1) deficiency.

Antifungals 
Antifungals such as grisefulvin and fluconazole are hard on the liver. Glutathione is needed to clear out toxins and to maintain a healthy liver. With MTHFR and low glutathione it is best to avoid these drugs. Oil of oregano, coconut milk and a low carb diet are healthier alternatives that help keep yeast and candida away.

Fish Oil Use Flax Seed as substitute!
Mercury tends to suck up our methylcobalamin (B12).
It is best to try other alternatives such as flaxseed oil and nattokinase (should not be taken with coumadin). Remember that many people with an MTHFR gene defect have problems clearing heavy metals and there is only one other heavy metal deadlier than mercury. It is plutonium.

Asthma medications
People with MTHFR sometimes need asthma medications. B12 (methylcobalamin) helps improve asthma symptoms. B12 is known as an antisulfite agent. Sulfites can cause asthma in people with MTHFR gene mutations because they have trouble converting sulfites. B6 promotes ATP and helps relax bronchial tissue.
Theophylline, albuterol and prednisone have been found to make us B6 deficient.

Anticonvulsants
Can cause B12 and B6 deficiency which can lead to anemia an fatigue. It can also elevate homocysteine and lead to stroke.

Cyclosporine
Cyclosporine and the MTHFR gene mutation has been found to elevate cardiovascular risk factors in the C677T gene mutation.

Methotrexate
Methotrexate is used to treat psoriasis and rheumatoid arthritis. It is known to cause Folate deficiency.

Neuroleptics
Neuroleptics can cause B12 deficiency and neuroleptic malignant syndrome.

Colchine
Reduces the absorption of B12.

Oral diabetic medicationsMetaformin
Causes malabsorption of B12, Folate and possibly B1 (thiamine)

EthionamideInhibits B6 (P5P)


Cycloserine
Inhibits the absorption of Folate and inactivates B6.


Aminosalicylic acid
Reduces the absorption of Folate and B12 (methylcobalamin)


AntibioticsCephalosporins, Fluorquinolones, Isoniazid, Macrolides, Penicillan, Sulfonamides and Tetracyclines
Destroy intestinal gut flora
B1, B2, B5, B6, Folate and B12 all have decreased absorption.
People with MTHFR sometimes have problems clearing sulfates. Molybdenum seems to help people with MTHFR clear sulfates and sulfites as well.
Synthetic B vitaminsMany people I speak with who have MTHFR have problems with synthetic b vitamins. It actually jams up the active b vitamins from doing their job. I avoid vitamins with synthetic b’s and foods fortified with synthetic b vitamins.
Synthetic B6 contains formaldahyde
Synthetic Folate known as Folic contains coal tar residue
Synthetic B12 known as cyanocobalamin contains cyanide phosphate 3′

These are not the active forms and with MTHFR you clearly need the active forms of b vitamins to manipulate this enzyme deficiency

Phenytoin and FosphenytoinDecreases the absorption of Folate and B12

PhenobarbitolInterferes with absorption of Folate

Cobalt
Can interfere with the absorption of B12

ChlorpromazineInterferes with B2-riboflavin

MethylprednisoneDecreases Folate
CholestyramineDecreases the absorption of B12 and Folate.
Nitrous Oxide
Will cause B12 (methylcobalmin) deficiency in people with an MTHFR gene mutation that can possibly be severe. Prior to surgery and/or a dental visit it is important to let your doctor and anesthesiologist know that you cannot have nitrous oxide. Nitrous oxide can poduce hyperhomocystenemia and high homocysteine which in turn can cause a life threatning clotting event.

Levodopa
Levodopa is used to treat Parkinson’s.
It also decreases levels of B12 (methylcobalamin) and Folate.
This can cause polyneuropathy.

AntihypertensivesAntihypertension drugs interact with NAC (N-acetylcyteine). NAC helps produce glutathione. So if you are taking an antihypertensive drug, it is best not to put NAC in your MTHFR protocol.
Hydralazine increases the excretion of B6.
Oral contraceptivesOral contraceptives have been found to drop folate by 40%. A person with the MTHFR gene mutation already has trouble keeping adequate amounts of folate in their body. Low levels of folate can elevate homocysteine and lead to a clotting event.

And the suffering doesn't end there...

I wish I could say that after we got married life was so perfect and everything went our way and we had lots of babies and lived happily ever after! 

But I cant.... Our first year of marriage, I stand corrected, our first 2 and 1/2 years of marriage has been a true test of faith. Here we are two people with broken pasts, healed and restored to new through our faith in Christ and our love for one another. What a perfect way to start a family. 
Ryan does not have children. He is 31 now, I am 38. We have been trying to have a child since the very day we married. My first thought when praying over this very thing was that finally....finally I would be able to have that one thing, that very simple little thing that brought my life so much shame and turmoil because I didn't have it. A whole family. A mommy, a daddy and children who know both mommy and daddy are there, together. 

Please don't get me wrong, I had a stepfather who I adored. Our life was a mess and very broken, but I adored my stepfather nonetheless. He was the closest thing to love from a man I knew for years. And my children, they had me, we were a family. My children and I were a family but we were not whole. It wasn't how God intended it to be. I thank God every day for His grace and His mercy in the lives of my boys and the life I have with my boys. But we were not whole and my boys were definitely effected by it. 

Again, my entire life of unworthiness stemmed from the broken family I came from. But I would never take away what someone else has with a step family in their own life. I can only speak for where I was and where God has restored me. And for me, its this. 

This is the dream come true in my life. The family and the white picked fence. I cant let that dream go because I dared dream to have a husband who loves the Lord more than he loves me, and look what the Lord did with that dream. 

The first 9 months of trying to get pregnant was ok, we started to wonder if something was wrong about 6 months into trying but surely God wouldn't just stop at marriage. Surely children would follow. Right? We brushed off any doubt and continued having fun trying!

Well we finally got our positive pregnancy test in January of 2013. December 2012 we prayed more than normal for this baby. We spoke her into life, we spoke life into our hope of a child. We claimed her as our own and told God we knew it was already a completed work in our life, and we were ready to accept it as such. 

The positive test brought such renewed faith. Our pray had worked, God had saw our faith and answered by giving our baby life! 

The first few weeks before our doctors appointment, I knew something wasn't right. I was not feeling any symptoms, I wasn't tired, aside from the occasional headache, nothing really felt pregnant about me. 

The morning of my first doctor appointment, last February,  I called a close friend and told her my fears. I told her the baby had not survived. She said to me "When are you going to accept what God is giving you and start living like you believe it?" I was speechless. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was allowing that fear to creep right back into my mind. Lord I am so sorry for giving into my fears. I cannot understand sometimes how to accept your beautiful gifts and I most often resort to fear. 
The doctor appointment came with such anticipation from my husband. He had never done this before, didn't know what to expect or what was normal and what wasn't. As soon as we spoke to the nurse I explained my fears and shared with her previous miscarriages early on in my life. Two miscarriages to be exact. Two miscarriages that ended the same way. No symptoms and no physical miscarriage. Just an ultrasound with no heartbeat. 

This time was no different, sadly. The hardest part for me was not losing the baby, I knew that God would take her immediately. The hardest part was watching my husbands face. It killed me like nothing I have ever felt before. I wanted it to not be so. I wanted it all to be a dream. We were almost 9 weeks but the baby only measured 6 weeks and had no heartbeat. 

The doctor told us to go home and wait it out. Not to go anywhere because I could miscarry at any moment and if I didn't, to come back in a week to schedule a DNC. 

We left there in complete shock and disbelief. I couldn't talk through my tears and Ryan had so many questions.
How could this happen to my perfect new life. How could I meet the man of my dreams and not be able to give him a child? Where did I go wrong? Why God? What did we do wrong ? Is something strange happening to us? 

We went home only to pray on our knees begging God to please give our baby a heartbeat. Lord you raised Lazarus from the dead, you made the blind see, you cured the lepers, you healed the sick, please do this for us God. 

Our prayer was genuine. Our cries were real and we believed. We believed that God would do this for the baby that we though He blessed us with.
We prayed for one whole week. We had others praying not for another pregnancy but for this one, for this baby, that the doctors were wrong and when we go back, there will be a heartbeat and the testimony of Gods power will flood the doctors office! Overflow into the lives of every person there just by this one testimony of our baby who we thought had no heartbeat but God gave it life! Lord we know this is your plan! This was your plan all along! To not really let her die, just revive her little heart! 

We went back a week late with the boldness and assurance of a Lion! This is Gods plan!! 
But it wasn't Gods plan. Our baby still had no heartbeat and we were told there is no baby. We lost it.

Sheer devastation. Confusion. It all started all over again. The why's? The doubting...it was numbing. My heart hurt for my husband. It broke for him. And I knew I was to blame. 

I thought about what my friend said about accepting what God has done and wondered, did I speak life into this child and turn right around just to take it away 9 weeks later? Is that possible that my lack of faith led me to lose this baby. Maybe if I had accepted this precious gift and spoke life instead of fear, we wouldn't be in this position. 
Well thank you Jesus that that is just not your character and I just seem to have really bad theology. If I could remotely add anything to this merciful life that God has given me, I would surely screw it all up again anyway, hence my need for a Savior. 

A perfect Savior to rise above my doubts and my fears. One that takes me out of the equation and replaces it with His Spirit. Its true that God does not give us a spirit of fear, his Word says so. (2Tim 1:7) But it does lead me to believe that there actually is a spirit of fear and that when we feel it, we need to know it is not of God. God has given us a Spirit of power, love and a sound mind. (Amen for the sound mind part!)

I don't know why this happened to us. I don't even know if this might have just been Gods mercy on us all over again. Losing a pregnancy is devastating, but losing a child you have touched, and loved and held in your arms, even if only once, that gives loss a whole new meaning. 

Our loss hurts because we are so prepared to give a child a real Christian upbringing with love and forgiveness and lots of Jesus!! We don't understand  why God would want to hold back this blessing from us.

 Today, its December and I still don't have an answer for why this happened. But I know that we still love our God and our faith only deepens in these fiery trials. After all, isn't that why He allows them to happen, to make us partners with Christ in His sufferings? So that we will have the wonderful joy of seeing His Glory when this plan is revealed to the world!

 I can't wait. 

He does restore!

In July of 2012, just 9 months after we met, Ryan and I said our vows in his parents backyard. Ryan made a beautiful arbor for us to marry under and we spent months planning eachand every detail of our special day. Giving myself to this man, being handed to him by my darling boys, was everything to me. Walking towards him all I could think about was how much God loved me. And how much I loved God. Since the day we met, Ryan and I have been able to see each other the way God wants us to see each other. Our marriage has been our strongest testimony to those around us of our love for Christ. And I know God wanted it that way. 

The Lord took something that I had never understood and made it the one thing that was going to show the world my love for Jesus, and His love for the world. Its complete restoration. It's Divine Healing. And everyone can have it. No matter what your circumstance.